Monday, January 30, 2012

Happy 1st Birthday Aisy Ilman

I cant believe that my boy is 1 year old seems so fresh in my mind on the pain,contractions, delivery, the crying that brought you into this world sayang.

How i was so depressed a few hours after you were borned when the nurse just entered the room and told me - "Pn, baby takleh balik lagi.kene tahan because G6PD. Nanti dr explain". I was like, what? apa tue? dah la sorang2 time dalam bilik tu as my hubby was out to get some stuffs at home. Patiently waiting for the paeditrician to come and explain but she was not coming at all...mata time tu dah bengkak giler cuz mother's instinct, i know something is not right. The pressure on that day was so strong till i cant take it anymore when i had to read few articles online and found out everything about the G6PD. When i read it that it is a inherit "sort of disease" i cant stop blaming myself as if that it comes from me cuz it said inheritance is from mother's gen. Tapi yang peliknyer, none of my family inc my mum, my aunties, my cousins got this G6PD! So, its totally unacceptable. Im denial!

Everything seems to went greyish as the more i read, the more confused and depressed i be. Aisy was quarantine in the nursery and i can just go to see and feed him in there. With all the pressure & tiredness & pain & worried inside me, the milk production gone so low that i dont think so aisy had a smooth meal. With my avent electric pump suddenly doesnt worked that particular time, everything doesnt seem to fall in place. I had to borrow the medela hospital pump at the nursery to at least pump 1 oz to let aisy drinked it during night time while i catched up some sleep. But, the pump did not worked either...

Been praying so hard that at least (i assume) aisy drinked from me, i pull up myself out of the bed every 3 hours at night to walked to the nursery and feed him. despite from im being so depressed and cant stop crying and at d same time being so moody at him..he was being so patient with me makes me feel guilty. At least i can see aisy at the nursery if i feel like i want to hug him and just look at his angel face. But for mr hubby, he cant touched aisy. enough by just seeing him thru the glass. i think it was 3 days straight that he cant hold him. Aisy was admitted in the hospital for 4 days total. we need to come back 2 days after that for a check up but decided NOT to go there as for us, the service (letting us clueless & asking us to chase the doctor to know what is happening) really turned us off!

Tapi allah maha kaya, after few times going back and forth to the hospital (we decided to go to Dr Asmunni) in KPJ Kajang, everything seems to fall into a clear piece of a puzzle. Aisy is getting better & stronger and until now...... he is extremely fine. He is rarely sick, having fever and im so thankful to Allah for all the plans you have created for me. Alhamdullillah..setiap yang jadi pasti ada hikmahnya..

You are part of me MUHAMMAD AISY ILMAN and i will pour all the love in this world for you and be for you forever.
You have thought me to be stronger than ever and mummy loves you so much.

Happy 1st Birthday lil prince!

(im proud to announce that i managed to fully breastfed you for 12months exclusively & will keep on giving you the nourishment+goodness of mummy's milk)

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